Ruth & Kengo

Sometimes it’s hard to smile. Sometimes it’s hard to push on, to power through, to grin and bear it. In these times we’re finding ourselves at a bit of a loss, without the comforts and confidants we rely on. We tell ourselves to toughen up, without acknowledging the spiritual and mental cost of pretending to be alright.

Kengo Nagaoka and I put this song together as a source of comfort, as a moment of truth, but also as a reckoning that the waves of this year are sometimes hard to ride.

After deciding this was the song we wanted to offer, we realized that the original version didn’t express the acceptance, growth, and healing that should come in hard moments. So we wrote a new verse. Does it resonate with you?

You are not alone. There are resources you can reach out to, people who want to support you, and lots and lots of love in the world.

CRISIS CARE LINES

If you are depressed, going through a hard time, need to talk or are thinking of suicide, talk to someone! Call a family or friend, or call a crisis care line. There are people on the line to listen and support you through whatever difficult times you are facing.

STATE HOTLINE: Alaska’s Careline 24/7: 1-877-266-4357

MORE CARE-LINE RESOURCES:https://www.ayanatherapy.com/resources

LGBTQ CARE LINES/SERVICES: https://ostem.org/page/crisis-hotlines

ANCHORAGE: South Central Counseling Center

24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (907) 563-3200

Virtual BiPOC Meditation Collective <https://www.bipocmeditationcollective.com/>: https://www.bipocmeditationcollective.com/

An engaged meditation community for Black, Indigenous and People of Color

“We currently gather at least twice a month: Online / Zoom – Every 2nd & 4th Wednesday see of the month from 7 – 8:30pm (Mountain Time)”

Special HUGE thanks to Jeff Chen for the beautiful camera and editing work, and to Joel Schnaper and Eiden Pospisil for letting us use their studio space.

The Beginning ~ Ruth & Kengo's first performance of Kaleidoscope Being

Accompanying post from January 13, 2020

“Last week was a practice in radical vulnerability.

I stretched myself to my edges. I challenged myself to take a breath, find comfort in the uncomfortable, and trust that taking risks is a part of growth.

I am so blessed that when I jumped into the unknown, with bold words I used to whisper like secrets, my community was there to catch me. When I doubted myself, I was greeted with nothing but love. A year ago, a month ago, I would not have had the courage to bear my heart to so many people. So tonight, I’m feeling inspired to share a little more widely with the world because goddamn, I am proud! of! myself!

PART 2

I really really really love to sing. It makes my heart infinitely lighter. But like all things that are good for me, I tend to neglect them, to prioritize work, to say “it’s alright, I can wait,” when I’m just aching with longing. But in this week of radical vulnerability, I felt such a strong calling to take a risk, to do something daring, to receive all judgement and opinions and assessments with grace and decide instead that I will validate and affirm myself. I don’t want to hold my power of creation deep within, I don’t want to lay my emotions aside, I don’t want to waste the an opportunity to cleanse and to process and to celebrate!

So here I am with this dear dear dear soul Kengo Nagaoka, for the first time singing a song that I wrote in front of an audience. I think it’s called Kaleidoscope Being. And, with all the forgotten words, and laughter and microphone mishaps and little ones running around, I am so full of joy sharing this. Honestly, I don’t care much that it’s imperfect. I am loving the mistakes. We were too busy having fun. I think this was the healing that my little heart has needed, the reminder to honor myself and to revel in the pure joy of creating magic moment.”